Saturday, 1 February 2014

You know you live with a toddler when…

A switch was flicked it seems when this kid turned one!  Here are a few of the lessons the dragon has taught me recently, all within a 48 hour time frame:

  • The pantry is an interesting to place to find nappy covers;
  • They’ve spent more time in the liquor cabinet than you have in the last two years;
  • Don’t be surprised when that happy little chatter waking from a nap may in fact be delight over the removal of a nappy (pray it’s empty);
  • Regularly check the oven temperature when baking, your little friend likes to use the dial;
  • Make sure to check the dishwasher hasn’t been turned on while you were attending to the oven;
  • Five point harnesses in either a pram or a highchair are merely a challenge and often left fastened but missing a toddler;
  • If they’re a new walker you will notice a resemblance to a baby orangutan, especially if they wave their arms about as they pass;
  • Prepare to have your wallet and handbags emptied multiple times a day;
  • You will meet lots of new people, especially when they join another child to help them eat their lunch;
  • They will read all paperwork diligently, then re-read it, then eat it;
  • Must participate in all phone calls, especially if they sound important or formal;
  • They will make friends with the waitress, always make friends with the waitress. Very helpful when things fly off the table;
  • Everything is a walking aid – the high chair passing by should not come as a surprise, there is usually someone small driving it;
  • The dog is never safe. Never;
  • If you’re eating it. Yes please;
  • Bath tubs are optional accessories, but everything must take a bath, just not the toddler;
  • Shoes are optional accessories but apparently edible.

Just a taste. Of the insanity. That I love so much.